amazing
It’s really pretty amazing how easy it is to shift from optimistic enthusiasm to abject and somewhat inconsolable depression.
I think my future plans are somewhat coming to a head at this point. I’ve got until the 10th of this month to decide whether to renew my lease or not. If I don’t, I should probably plan on leaving the area. I’m not sure if I’m going to or not, yet.
My roommate is still totally useless. I don’t care about his existence at all at this point. So I’m quite sure I’m not going to renew the lease with him.
Do I want to go to grad school? Yeah, I do, but I don’t know what in, and I don’t know where. I’ve been halfassed enough about college as a whole that I am not going to be a particularly attractive grad student. Should I be pursuing the GRE’s? I probably already should have taken them, at this point.
Do I want to pursue a sysadmin job? From what the boss was saying, it sounds like it’s not very promising that I get a full-time position here, regardless. They’re asking me to try to find my replacement so they can start learning the ropes. I wonder if it’s even possible to find, especially at what they’re paying here. Can I find a similar adminny job somewhere else? Or am I going to be dragged into programming?
Could I handle a programming job? I haven’t written meaningful code (other than shellscripts) since 448. 448 was fun, but I wasn’t great at the coding part of it… could I write code in a professional environment?
You know, I woke up this morning, pretty much oblivious to these things. Here I am now, after a couple hours of thought and interaction, and I’m totally entrenched in what amounts to a major existential funk. I’m not happy with the status of my own existence, and that’s all there is to it.
… Maybe I should be happy about all of this? Maybe I really need a change in scenery, an external change could induce an internal one? Maybe I’ve just got anxiety about my poor self-assessment and uncertain future… I dunno.
Either way, I’m kinda down.
November 2nd, 2006 at 9:04 pm
Admin jobs I’m sure you can find. The GRE’s are easy (think SATs all over again, with minor bump in difficulty), and it wouldn’t hurt to take them. Grad school … if you’ve made inroads with some of the professors who’d take you up in your thesis track, that’d be a good thing. Also, consider your need for exploring & delving into a topic you really enjoy, so … lol, sorry for compounding the thoughts in your head, but what you do also really greatly impacts your esteem and world-view.
As for a job in the real world, believe me there’s demand. Here in Seattle I know all the major firms are hiring. Do you need sun at least twice a week though? LOL, it gets pretty dreary here. Not too much worse than Chicago winters, at least it doesn’t snow & sleet as often here.
You need to just see what will make you happy. It’s that simple.
November 6th, 2006 at 6:30 am
If you want me to poke around at my place of employment and see if either sysadminny jobs or coding jobs are/will be open, I can do that.
November 12th, 2006 at 12:19 am
Yeah, I know, mate, it could be pretty daunting… been there, done that. I guess, in that count, tho, I am lucky because I have people to support me while I am doing whatever it was that I was doing.
:: hugs :: You know my IM name if you need to chat, or my mobile number…
Miss you!!!
PS: You can come to DC
Loads of sysadminny job here 